so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
