Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
