Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
