I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
