Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He did a backflip because drugs
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