My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
