it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In America we eat man semen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
