it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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