Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why do cheetos always look like penises
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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