so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
