never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
