i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
