if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
