When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
