youre lurking in front of me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
