I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
