we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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