Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
