I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
