god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
