apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
