At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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