I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
