I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
