he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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