i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
