She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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