MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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