you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
