I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
