My first STD was from a foam party
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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