It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Randomize
