dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
