i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
