I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
