look no pants
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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