She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
