You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
