So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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