I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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