it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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