He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
