you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
