If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
