God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
