Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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