chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
