11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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