Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
