yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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