Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize