I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
