If i come over, it means nothing
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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