i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
