my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
