We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
