How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was like eating out sand paper
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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