Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
