thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
