he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
