Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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