Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
