If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
