She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
