Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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