How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
