i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
