I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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