She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
did i just pee glitter
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
