my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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