If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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