Christians are straight up FREAKS
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
