And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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