i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
