Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we're so committed to being not committed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
