I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
