I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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