Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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